A Godly Marriage Isn't a Perfect Marriage

Choosing faith, grace, and each other in the middle of everyday life.

There is something beautiful about standing beside someone and promising to love them for the rest of your life. On your wedding day, you look into each other's eyes, full of excitement, hope, and dreams about the future you're going to build together.

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hat we don't always understand standing at that altar is just how much life will test those promises. Marriage is beautiful, but it is also hard work. There are seasons when loving each other comes naturally, when laughter fills the house, conversations are easy, and everything seems to fall into place. Then there are seasons when you're both exhausted, the responsibilities keep piling up, the kids need something every five minutes, and the only conversation you've had all day revolves around schedules, bills, or what needs to get done tomorrow.

Somewhere in the middle of it all, we can forget that marriage was never meant to be built on feelings alone. A Godly marriage isn't about finding someone who makes every day easy. It's about choosing to honor God in the way we love each other, especially on the days when loving each other takes intentional effort.

Marriage Requires More Than Love

I think sometimes we enter marriage believing that loving someone will be enough to carry us through whatever life throws our way. While love is absolutely the foundation, marriage requires so much more than simply feeling in love. It requires patience when you're frustrated. Forgiveness when feelings have been hurt. Humility when you realize you were wrong. Communication when silence would be easier. And the willingness to keep choosing each other even when life doesn't look the way you imagined.

Being married to a farmer has taught me a lot about this. There are seasons when the farm demands more of my husband's time than either of us would prefer. During planting, harvest, or calving, the days can be long, plans change without warning, and quality time together sometimes looks like riding along in a tractor or helping work cattle.

Meanwhile, life at home doesn't stop. The girls still need attention, meals still need to be made, laundry continues to pile up, and I still have responsibilities outside of our home.

It would be easy to focus on everything we aren't getting from each other during those seasons. I've learned that marriage isn't always about everything being equal every single day. Sometimes one person carries a little more because the other is stretched thin. Other times, the roles reverse. The important thing is remembering that we are on the same team.

Ecclesiastes 4:9 reminds us:

"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour." — Ecclesiastes 4:9 (KJV)

Marriage was never intended to be a competition over who works harder, who is more tired, or who has sacrificed more. We are partners, building a life together.

Keeping God at the Center

We hear people say all the time that God should be at the center of our marriages., but what does that actually look like in everyday life?

I don't believe it means every morning starts with a perfectly planned devotional together or that every disagreement ends with both people immediately opening their Bibles. Those are wonderful things to strive for, but real life doesn't always look that polished.

Sometimes keeping God at the center means stopping yourself before saying something hurtful. Sometimes it means praying for your spouse instead of complaining about them. Sometimes it means extending grace when you're frustrated or asking God to soften your own heart when pride starts taking over.

And sometimes it means recognizing that you cannot expect your spouse to fulfill a role that only God was meant to fill.

Our husbands cannot be our entire source of peace, happiness, identity, or purpose. They are human, just like we are. They will make mistakes, have bad days, and fall short. When we place expectations on our spouse that only God can fulfill, we set both ourselves and our marriages up for disappointment.

A Godly marriage begins with two people who recognize their individual need for Christ. We cannot expect our marriages to grow spiritually if we aren't willing to grow spiritually ourselves.

Grace Belongs in Marriage, Too

One of the hardest lessons in marriage is learning to extend the same grace to our spouse that we so desperately want for ourselves.

Think about it. How often do we want understanding when we've had a long day, but struggle to offer that same understanding when our husband comes home exhausted? How often do we want forgiveness when we speak out of frustration, but hold onto something hurtful our spouse said?

I know there have been moments when I've allowed my own exhaustion or frustration to influence how I respond to my husband. Moments when I could have been more patient. More understanding. More intentional with my words.

It's those moments remind me that I am still a work in progress. Colossians 3:13 tells us to bear with one another and forgive each other, just as Christ forgave us.

That doesn't mean pretending problems don't exist or ignoring behavior that needs to change. Grace doesn't require us to accept mistreatment, and forgiveness doesn't eliminate the need for accountability, repentance, and healthy boundaries.

In a loving, healthy marriage, grace creates room for two imperfect people to grow.

It allows us to acknowledge our mistakes without constantly keeping score.

Because marriage isn't about proving who was right. It's about protecting the relationship God has entrusted to us.

Love Is Often Found in the Ordinary

I think social media has created a picture of marriage that can sometimes leave us feeling like we're missing something. We see romantic vacations, elaborate date nights, surprise flowers, and perfectly photographed anniversaries.

While those things are wonderful, they aren't what sustains a marriage. Sometimes love looks like your husband taking care of something around the house without being asked. Sometimes it looks like packing him a meal because you know he'll be working late. Sometimes it's a quick conversation in the kitchen after the girls are asleep. Sometimes it's choosing to ride along in the tractor simply because you want to spend time together.

Sometimes it's sitting beside each other at the end of a long day, without saying much of anything, but knowing you're exactly where you belong. Those moments might not look impressive to the outside world, but they matter. First Corinthians 13:4 reminds us that love is patient and kind. It doesn't say love is always exciting, convenient, or easy. Love is something we practice.

It's shown in the way we speak to one another. In the way we show appreciation. In the way we handle disagreements. In the way we protect our time together and continue to pursue each other through changing seasons. A strong marriage isn't built only in the big, unforgettable moments. It's built through the small, ordinary decisions we make every single day.

Protecting Your Marriage in the Middle of Motherhood

One of the biggest adjustments in marriage comes when children enter the picture.

Suddenly, two people who once had endless opportunities to spend time together are navigating sleepless nights, busy schedules, school activities, and the constant needs of little people.

If we aren't careful, our marriage can slowly move to the bottom of the priority list.

Not because we don't love each other, but because everything else feels more urgent. I love being a mother. Our three daughters are some of the greatest blessings God has given us, but I also recognize that before we became Mom and Dad, we were husband and wife.

That relationship still deserves our attention. Our children benefit from seeing a marriage where love is demonstrated, respect is practiced, apologies are made, and faith is lived out. They don't need to see a perfect marriage. They need to see what it looks like when two people continue choosing each other, even when life is difficult. They need to know that disagreements can be handled with respect, that mistakes can be acknowledged, and that love is more than something we say.

I want our daughters to grow up understanding that marriage isn't about losing yourself or accepting less than the love and respect you deserve. It's about two people walking alongside each other, encouraging one another, growing together, and building a life rooted in Christ, and the example we set matters.

Praying for Your Spouse Instead of Trying to Change Them

There is a difference between encouraging your spouse to grow and believing it's your responsibility to change them. Marriage has a way of revealing areas in both people that need work, but sometimes we become so focused on what our spouse needs to do differently that we forget to examine our own hearts.

We notice their shortcomings while overlooking our own. We pray for God to change their attitude, their priorities, or their habits, without asking Him to reveal where we need to grow. That's a difficult truth to sit with.

Prayer is powerful, but it isn't a tool for controlling our spouse. It's an opportunity to invite God into our marriage and surrender the things we cannot control. Pray for your husband's strength. Pray for his relationship with God. Pray for wisdom in the decisions he makes. Pray for protection over his heart and mind.

Also pray for yourself. Ask God to help you become a wife who speaks with kindness, listens with understanding, communicates honestly, and loves with intention. Not because the responsibility for your marriage rests entirely on your shoulders. It doesn't, but because spiritual growth starts with being willing to let God work in our own hearts.

Keep Choosing Each Other

Marriage will go through seasons.

There will be seasons of abundance and seasons of struggle. Seasons when you feel deeply connected and seasons when you have to be more intentional about finding your way back to each other. There will be moments when life feels overwhelming and moments when you look around and realize how incredibly blessed you are.

Through all of it, I believe one of the greatest gifts we can give our marriages is the commitment to keep showing up.

To keep communicating. To keep praying. To keep extending grace. To keep making time for one another. And to remember that our marriage is worth investing in.

Matthew 19:6 says:

"What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." — Matthew 19:6 (KJV)

Those words remind me of the significance of the covenant we make in marriage.

It's not a promise that life will always be easy. It's a commitment to approach our relationship with faithfulness, humility, and love.

Of course, honoring marriage never means remaining unsafe or tolerating abuse. A Godly marriage should reflect mutual respect, care, and responsibility. For those of us walking through the ordinary challenges of marriage, though, there is something powerful about remembering why we started. Not every season will be romantic.

Not every day will feel exciting, and not every disagreement will be resolved perfectly.

We can continue growing. We can continue learning how to love each other better.

And most importantly, we can continue inviting God into the marriage we are building. Because at the end of the day, a Godly marriage isn't two perfect people building a perfect life. It's two imperfect people choosing to pursue a perfect God together.

That is a foundation worth building on.